I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
there is puke in my bra ... again
PANTIES FOUND
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