Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i drank out of a bidet.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
