forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
