Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
