Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
