Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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