dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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