you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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