Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
