You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
