matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
