i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
