im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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