I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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