Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am naked and annoyed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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