I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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