yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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