i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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