I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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