I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
