if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
