the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did we literally take a cab across the street
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
