hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
