Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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