batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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