I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
