I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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