if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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