Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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