I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
