sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
