I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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