some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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