I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
