last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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