ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize