I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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