Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
