Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
