It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
