i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
