just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
