he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize