I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I'm really busy with my period
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