I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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