You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
