This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
