Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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