i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
