OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
