addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
