I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
