Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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