smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
a search helicopter?!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
