I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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