i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
