My friends, they love my intelligence
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
