haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
