Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
