he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
