We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
