Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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