I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you told grandpa to call you daddy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
