I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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