I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
