Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize