After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize