I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
