I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
