I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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