I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
