i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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