i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
