i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
