I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
