Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
