dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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