I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Randomize
