I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize