you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
