Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
