Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
