Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize